Myth #6
"I don't need any help."
"If I keep studying, I'll get it."
"I'm smart, I'll figure it out."
"Only dumb people have tutors."
"What will others think if they know I'm getting tutored?"
"I'm cheating if I get my own private teacher."
"Something must be very wrong if I need that kind of help."
"I never needed to ask for help in the past."
Reality #6
Asking for help is smart, not stupid.
Most people are hung up on the idea of asking for help. From the time we're
born, we are told that the American ethic is self-reliance. Pull your own
weight, row your own boat, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, and a host
of other similar sayings pervade our culture.
There's also a notion that if you reach out for help, you'll be labeled as
abnormal, and we all know how important it is to be in the center of the
bell curve. I've always been stunned by the irony of teenagers who strive
for the absolute autonomy and individuality as they separate from their parents,
only to dress, speak, and act precisely as their peers do. They often go
to extraordinary measures not to color outside the careful lines drawn by
their peers. In short, if no one else is being tutored…it's not cool.
I remember when my daughter took statistics in college. She's a bright young
woman who graduated with honors. But statistics nearly drove her nuts. She
began to have that typical self-doubt and her confidence slipped. This is
quite normal, but what she did was not. After consulting with the teacher,
she decided that she needed extra instruction; so, she hired a tutor. She
met with him quite regularly and salvaged her grade through hard work and
determination.
If you still have doubts about the normalcy of tutors, think about Olympic
and professional athletes. Can you possibly imagine any high-caliber athlete
not having a private coach, at least periodically? Most private coaches travel
with their athletes to be close by when trouble arises.
What about the top level musicians? Could you imagine them not having private,
ongoing tutoring or teaching? They must have help to keep them sharp in an
increasingly competitive world.
So, if tutors (coaches and private instructors) are good enough for the very
best competitors in our country, don't you think we all should give them
a try, especially when we're faltering a bit? Besides, many schools even
offer tutoring free of charge.
Survival Tips:
Talk to the professor early in the semester. You'll see this one come
up over and over again because it's one of the best pieces of advice I can
give. Don't wait until you're literally bailing out water from a sinking
ship. Once you see some water seeping in, talk to the captain of the ship.
Early is much better than later, but most students with problems wait too
long to come in. And the first thing I or any other professor will say is,
"Why'd you wait until now?" Many times, when students come in asking how
they can salvage their grades, it's just too late.
Ask for recommendations from the professor. Often the professor will
know who is a good tutor and who is not. Finding the right fit is vital,
and often the professor can recommend the best graduate assistants and even
undergrads who are most suited to help to you.
Go to the student counseling office. Most colleges have a counseling
office that will help you find a tutor. Often they keep databases of tutors
and their fees, and you can usually obtain a printout. Tutors' rates will
vary depending upon their expertise, but at least you'll get an idea of prices.
Most universities have standard fees that tutors should charge; so, even
if you go off campus for a tutor, you'll know the ballpark figures.
Look at tutors as an investment, not an expense. Don't get hung up
on money. Tutors are among the best dollar-for-dollar investments you can
make. Like private coaches, they speed up your recovery from problems and
can provide stress relief. They may cost several hundreds of dollars, but
the relief is worth thousands. However, let me say again: Many schools will
offer free tutoring.
Don't be afraid to change if things don't work out. Remember that
tutors are people who have individual personalities and quirks that you might
find annoying and whose teaching style is not productive for you. If so,
move on to another tutor. Tutors provide a service and when the service is
a liability, cut your losses. If you find this awkward to handle face to
face, do it by e-mail or letter. Often an e-mail or letter with a follow-up
phone call, at most, takes care of a tough situation. But don't continue
to pay for a bad product or service.
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